I have no future ambition. There, I said it. It hasn’t always been like that, at least, I don’t remember it been that way. In fact, what I do remember is that I wanted to be at least four things, a lawyer, an accountant and an entrepreneur. There was something else but I forget now.
So how do you go from wanting to be all these things to nothing? When I was about thirteen, I had a rough time. My parents were working mostly out of town and both my sisters were ill, and some financial struggles accompanied all that. Personally, I was struggling a lot with IBS, my awkward ass was still trying to fit in to my new class and make friends and I was going through puberty.
Things eventually settled then and that’s when I discovered I didn’t care to be anything anymore. Why did I even think about being a lawyer and why would I want to be accountant? I hated accounting. None of it made sense to me anymore.
I began to worry that something was wrong. I tried to be as excited about going to uni as my friends and sound convinced that I knew exactly what I wanted. I eventually struggle studied Economics and I did okay. I don’t even like economics but I have a degree and that’s all that matters(?)
Right now, I work as a sustainability analyst which is interesting and useful work and I certainly see myself doing long term.
But honestly, I don’t want to be anything other than someone who is enjoying her life and doing things that are good and helpful. I’m not sure what that makes me, I don’t know that I can be described as an ambitious person or maybe my ambition is to be a Minister of Enjoyment.
Either way, we move. But to where?